Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own
In our current [omit this word or use ‘current’] world, some people succeed some people don’t. Sometimes people blame their failure on the society’s obsession with defining people’s potential with an impressive resume. Sometimes people blame their failure on society’s racial discrimination. However, whether a person’s dream will be fulfilled or not doesn’t depend on the actions of others but on the person’s own dedication, determination and sometimes even luck. Dedication gives us the ability to succeed. Determination lets us move on even in the darkest time. Luck provides us a chance to succeed sooner. [Good, much stronger introduction especially with a brief description of the role played by dedication, determination and luck.]
A person’s success or failure depends on his own dedication. It’s true that an impressive resume will give you the capacity to go anywhere you want. However, the expected ability matched the resume [Not quite sure what this sentence means] comes from years of hard work, it comes from dedication. There’s no way [re-word] a person can become experienced in one night. Life is full of building up. [Understand, but this sentence needs re-phrasing] Life is not a fairytale, there’s no super medicine which can make you more intelligent and knowledgeable in a sudden. The same idea is shown in the Gattaca. If Vincent didn’t work as hard, if he didn’t keep doing exercises regularly, his true identity would be revealed easily through tests in Gattaca. Vincent didn’t make ‘one single error in a million keystrokes’. His carefulness and academic knowledge about the space has given him the same expected potential compared to ‘valids’. Vincent was considered as unworthy by the society at first, without dedication, he wouldn’t be much different from other in-valids. On Vincent’s path to success, dedication definitely played a remarkable role in it.